Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
Randomize
