I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
it's too hot outside to masturbate.
dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
Randomize
