Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
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