I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
Randomize
