you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
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