i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
Randomize
