think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
Randomize
