I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
Randomize
