Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
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