is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
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