Sry I called you an 8
I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
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