i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
I look better un-naked...
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
Randomize
