Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize