Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
I meant the "stage" gay, Not the "bend me over and call me Gary" gay.
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
Randomize
