i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
You can't just leave with hair like that
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
Randomize
