I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
Randomize
