Skip Greektown and come to Geektown. I just want to cuddle.
I don't get it.
Me neither.
But I masturbated to it anyway.
When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
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