the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
Randomize
