Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
Randomize
