I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
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