I sk at the spereo and my dad gave me and all access pass
what???
AN ALL ACCESS PASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
BRING THE BAGELS
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
Randomize
