all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
Randomize
