KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
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