Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
Randomize
