He is an equal opportunity slut.
I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
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