im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
Oral text is very safe with the right protection.
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
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