So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
Randomize
