3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
Randomize
