there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
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