flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
Randomize
