I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
So just to get a feel for things...how prone are you to male Amish strippers...
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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