I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
Randomize
