I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
Randomize
