wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
We discussed how the marijuana was making the dopamine float around our nucleus accumbens last night when we were high. Yet another example of how our science classes are perverting our good times.
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
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