Your face is a jimmy john
i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
For a limited time only, free special muffin with the referral of a loyal dro customer! Have it for breakfast and be happy off your ass all day! Guaranteed! New member must buy at least an eighth. Oh and O's are on sale for 280.
You. Win. At. Life.
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
Randomize
