honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
Randomize
