Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
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