I think i sorta joined a cult last night
If i could tip my vagina, i would.
Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
