We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
Randomize
