I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
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