so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
Randomize
