but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
Randomize
