Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
Randomize
