how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
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