it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
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