Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
Randomize
