I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
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