The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
Randomize
