My room smells like vodka and shame
Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
please don't ironically join a cult
Randomize