i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Randomize
