worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
we should paint friendship bongs
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