i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
Randomize
