Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
We had to coat check the pizza.
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
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