actually, I'm a sock model
You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
Randomize
