Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
So about class tomorrow..... i,ll be there. But I may be still a bit drink and wearing a suit. I'll explain when I get there.
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
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