Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
Randomize
