Whod you bang
Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
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