I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
Randomize
