how do you spell 'special'? like slow?
S P E L L C H E C K
No you dumbass thats not right
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Randomize
