Im at strip club and am horny
its 4th on my favorites list. 1. butt sex 2. mini skirts 3. three meat pizza rolls 4. fuck the pain away by peaches
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
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