bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
Randomize
