Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Randomize
