then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
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