Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
are any of them hardcore sluts...just absolute worthless human beings? if not the paper wins
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
Randomize
