I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
Randomize
