4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
if i died would you start the facebook group?
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
he quoted the bible to break up with me
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
Congratulations! We have a period
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