that's an acceptable place to lick
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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