Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
Randomize
