me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
Randomize
