If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
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